Wherin we learn the steps to being an evil, bloodsucking vampire, all thanks to the Batty Bat.
Step One: Spread out the cape. This is essential. If your cape hangs loosely at your side, your potential victim won't know that you're evil and blood thirsty until it's all over, and where's the fun in placid bloodsucking?
Step Two: Twirl round the floor. Not sure what purpose this fulfills, but it's certainly more intimidating than meeting a vampire who sparkles in the sunlight.
Step Three: Left foot your swing. In marching band, if you start out on the right foot, you look foolish and out of step. In vampire, it's the same thing. Say that you right foot your swing to a smoking hot redhead. What happens? You trip and fall flat on your fact. Left foot your swing, dolt: It's the only way.
Step Four: Then start to sing. If you're good, your victim will fall under a kind of trance, where he/she stands frozen as your melody fucks up their balance or something. If you're bad, you'll likely cause horror. Horror is good, too.
Step Five: Loud as you please. As an evil creature of the night, you don't have to take shit from nobody. Feeling sinister? Split somebody's eardrums with your wild, wild song. Scratchy throat? Take it easy. It's up to you!
Step Six: Counting with ease. How do you expect to be a Count if you don't like to count...things?
Step Seven: Doing the Batty Bat. Pretty much the above.
It also helps if you kept your childhood residence in the Carpathian Mountains, have a monocle, and own an organ that sounds like a piano, an oboe, and a banjo at the same time without sounding a thing like an organ.
Seven...seven steps baby. That's all it takes.
Ah-ah-ah.
*thunder/lightning*
Nah-ah-ah-ah!
2 comments:
It's aDracula!
Where?
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