Casio Keyboard Election Videos

In a post-Chocolate Rain society, the number of idiots trying to get famous via song has skyrocketed. These are some awful attempts at fame, and while babies aren't dying and bell curves aren't determining the future (and it isn't raining chocolate), the fact that these have several (hundred) thousand (and sometimes million) more views than say..."G.E.N.E.R.I.C. Heel" makes me sad.

McCain Girls - It's Rainin' McCain



I...uhh...can't tell if this is serious or not. I love how the old woman is perpetually fading into the background, just about as much as I love how the McCain Girls found time to bring up McCain "doing the right thing in Viet-naim" (uhh...chilling in a P.O.W. Camp?), but not, you know, his actual stance on things.

Dulce Maria Gonzalez - Hillary Clinton Song



This one is less funny. The woman in the video is doing a poor Regina Spektor/Fiona Apple/chick at a piano impersonation, and I didn't really catch any reasons to vote for Hillary, outside of the fact that she's a woman, the country "needs a woman," and...well...those two statements go together like Reece's and cereal, unless you're one of the people who look at women like Hillary and go "she's unfemminine," "she's an angry dyke," or "she's pretending to be a man." Then I guess you disagree with one of the two statements...either Hillary isn't the woman we need, or Hillary isn't a woman.

I envy her pantsuits. Why can't we write songs about pantsuits?

Andres Useche - Si Se Puede Cambiar



Hey, Andres! This is America. In America, we speak American. In America, we don't read newspapers. In America, guitars have four stings and not six. In America, nobody can hear you scream, especially if it's for peace. In America, we don't watch movies with subtitles...we mock them.

Your aims to create "one people" would be better suited in Russia, comrade, and you'd likely be shipped to Siberia for smuggling your guitar strings from the West.

Two Fratboy Douchebags in Front of a Christmas Tree (in April) - Breakfast at Huckabee's



These two likely watched an episode of the Colbert Report, listened to that one song about that movie, picked up an acoustic guitar and started recording in a feeble attempt at internet glory. Mike Huckabee doesn't need your help, nor would he approve of your awful red felt fedoras. He has Chuck Norris. He has Stephen Colbert. He has Ric fucking Flair. You've got a camcorder, a starting guitar, and no stage presence. I'm sure Mike will (not) be playing your song at his next BBQ.

New York Violets - Ron Paul Song



Ron Paul's campaign focused mostly on internet nerds and hipsters, and in the first few seconds of this video, it's clear that the New York Violets understand that demographic. There's a shoddy Ron Paul sign (look for one the next time you're traveling through your nearest urban, inner-city wasteland), a disaffected woman fresh from the thrift store, bad dancing, drinks, and a reference to that Bob Dylan video with the cue cards. Also, the lyric "Ron Paul/he's the fairest of them all" is about the most legendary thing I've ever heard.

And those are the ones that are on YouTube's main page. Any further research, and my brain is likely to asplode. No matter who wins, all 2,000,000 people who watched the above videos lose. God bless America.